I have an award!!

Well, I got another award!!!! I must be doing something right! My stats are plummeting to the Earth quicker than cow shit to the ground but……..I am making someone smile!!!! And that is what the award is…….

The wonderful Tismee2, from squaredoff, gave me this one too. I really should get off my ass and make one of my very own to give to her, because really she is great! Do you think I linked her enough? Because really you should go over there and see her. OK, so I got off my ass and I have this for her…….

I should give her two, but she can just paste it twice. So Tismee2 here you go, not an award but a Thank You bouquet just for you!!

So I was told I should pass this along to a few deserving souls. So if you read me, it makes me smile and you should go ahead and take it, just link back to Tismee2 so she can get full credit for her work! And if you should so desire……link back to me because as I said my stats are falling like cow shit and I could use the traffic! MAWHAHAHAHHAHA!!! Just kidding. Sorta. I guess.

So who makes me smile? I have quite a few folks actually. And this is where it gets hard adding all the links, but I suppose you are all worth it! So without further ado here are a few people who make me smile……

BlueMomma even though you have been missing a lot lately *Ahem, I forgive you for having a life outside the box*, you put a smile on my face every time!

Putz what can I say? I love your comments and they always put a smile on my face! I know you already have one of these, but this one is from ME!!!

Sam Another one who has been MIA a little lately, but those adorable kids do take a lot of time! And who could not smile at those faces!

Queen of the Shake-Shake what can I say about the Queen? Go read her she will put a smile on your face too.

Rima OK, her post are intelligent and witty and I always smile, but when I saw a comment where she said she thought I was funny, it took me a little while to recover!

Catwoman I spew coffee and tea when I read her! Not good to laugh so hard when drinking! My computer hates me and now my keyboard keys are all sticky and YUCKY! But I have learned to not have beverages around when I read her!

Welcome to my Sandbox She is something like me. She has her gripes and she doesn’t fear putting them out there!

BurghBaby This is a recent find, through Plurk. No, she is not new to the blog world, I am just new to reading her, silly! I saw her here and there and thought nah, I have enough blogs to read, but after reading her at Plurk, I had to go over and I am hooked!

ChasingMyself I could not leave Janice out, she is my lesbian lover you know. BAWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Shh….don’t tell hubby, he will get jealous!!!! Seriously, she is great and I love her, I dare say she could be my twin in attitude, only she is much better at it than me!

And to make it a perfect 10

A whole Lot of Nothing Her page locks up my computer every time dammit, but it is worth it. Once it finally gets loaded, I laugh my ass off. She has had the best pictures of her little ones lately!

So there you go, I tried not to hit the same ones, but I am sure I did hit a few again. And there are so many I could give it to, but then I have to go around and leave comments all over the place and drive people insane as they try to figure out who this nut is and why does she want me to come to her blog. Really, they have no clue, even though I comment all over the place. So take your award and pass it along and know that you truly deserve it!

Until next time……

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!

What a wonderful day in the neighborhood.

How are my wonderful followers today? I should say I am a little irritated but otherwise I am in fairly good spirits. Why am I irritated? Well, I don’t have my pictures! I know I am completely shocked too. HA! I swear my husband is trying to get himself killed. Why don’t I just go get my pictures myself? I have 3 really good reasons…..

1. He keeps driving my car to work.

2. I don’t know what the hell he has done to my car, but I can barely drive it now. It pulls bad to the right and shimmies and shakes so bad it feels like the wheel is fixing to fall off.

3. He took the debit card and all the money with him!

The last one really gets me. He puts the debit card in his wallet and “forgets” that he has it. And any money that comes in the house ends up in his wallet. The wallet that stays in his back pocket until bedtime. I don’t think to get money after he goes to bed. I can have money in my purse and get up to get it and discover it is gone! When I ask him about it, he gives me this, ” I was broke and I figured you were going to be at home and wouldn’t need it.” That just pisses me off.

I used to hide money here and there. Not much a dollar here and a dollar there. That way I was never actually broke. I tried to keep enough to get cigarettes or a few gallons of gas. I managed to stash away 50 bucks one time. Little by little I have had to get into it and he has found my hiding places, so I am down to a few quarters here and there. I came up with the money when I would find it in the washer or dryer, just laying around. I didn’t take it from his wallet, though I sometimes think I should. But I understand he is out on the road all day and needs things. Drinks, food and such, but I need to have a little cash on hand just in case. You know I have killed someone and I need to get away! heh!!

But anyway, he swears we will get them on Thursday or Friday night. I am not holding my breath. I usually end up getting screwed if there is any screwing going on. Not him, not Little Miss and not The Boy, but me. If he wants he will find a way to get it. Same with The Boy and Little Miss, if they want, he finds a way to get it. If I want, I must find my own way and get it myself. And the bad thing is I really don’t want that much and what I want is inexpensive! ANYWAY……

I am going to get my fridge this week!!!!! My mommy is going to clean it up for me then I only have to get hubby go get it! Which he will, because he is tired of our tiny fridge!

It is so small it doesn’t even tell me how many cubic feet inches it is! I would take a picture of the interior to show how much it won’t hold, but then you would see all the spills and how little food is actually in there. This was our spare. Yes we had a spare fridge, it was in the laundry room and it held cokes and beer and the freezer held bread and extra meat. And anything else I could stash away in there. But the old fridge went out and this one moved to the kitchen and now I hate the hell out of it.

But Mom and Dad are FINALLY getting to move into the new house and the fridge in the old house is MINE!!!!!! I am told all food and such is out of the fridge and in the new house, but she has to clean it and still needs it for water since the move is still not complete. They still have the TV, furniture and pots and pans and most of their shit in the old house. They are doing a slow move. The necessities first, then the other stuff. They bought a new bed and furniture for the sun room so they have a place to sit and sleep and the pots and pans are moving today! So they will be in it pretty much. They are going to hire someone to move the furniture but they are moving all small things.

What else is going on…… I have to let the neighbor’s dog out again today. I swear those people go too much! She isn’t a problem or anything, but I have to walk over there and even though he is a neighbor, I live in the country so it ain’t a couple of feet over there! And then there is Little Miss, I have to wait til she is up and I am already 30 minutes late for the first trip out. Oh, well hope she has a strong bladder.

Oh, I am in trouble with MIL! Yesterday was her birthday and we all forgot! I am sure the others remembered, but not this household! I am sure Miss Passive-Aggressive will have something to say about it. I must remember to tell her today when she gets home from work. Yes she is back at work! For 2 weeks before school she works days, peace in the valley of me!! When she goes back to work that means 2 things for me!

1. She is gone from 7am til 3pm. So I can do as I damn well please and do not have to worry about her screwing it up.

2. TWO MORE WEEKS AND LITTLE MISS IS BACK IN SCHOOL!!!!!

On to something else and I must go. I read this last night and I tried it, it is really neat. SO married or not give this a try. Ever wonder why you put you wedding band on the fourth finger? The Chinese came up with this explanation….

Each finger represents a relationship.

Thumb: your parents

Second (index): your siblings

Middle: yourself

Fourth (ring finger): your life partner

Last (little) your children.

First, open your hands (palm to palm), bend your middle fingers and hold them together (between the 1st and 2nd knuckle). Hold the other fingertips together.

Now try to separate your thumbs. They will open, because you are not destined to live with your parents forever. At some point you must leave.

Join your thumbs back together. Separate your index fingers. They will also open, because you and your siblings will have your own families and lead separate lives.

Join the index fingers again. Now separate you little fingers. They will open too. Children get married and settle down on their own.

Join your little fingers again. Now try to separate your ring finger. You will be surprised to find you can’t. Because husband and wife are to remain together all their lives.

Interesting? I thought so, of course I am easily entertained! I will also stand up and walk away from the monitor on those emails that tell you to stand15 feet from the monitor to see a picture. I am kind of stupid like that!

I should go and let the dogs out. Both mine and the neighbor’s. SO until next time……

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!

The gassiest place on Earth!

Would you like to know where the gassiest place was this weekend? Anywhere our trip took us!!!! On to the weekend update! I know you are all waiting with baited breath to find out how it went. As the weekend goes by you will see just how gassy it got…..

Starting with Thursday since everything was up in the air when I left you.

My husband hates me or wants me in a nut house ASAP! After a lot of figuring and hair pulling, mine not his, it was decided we would go. What the hell, we are always broke and this would be about the last weekend to go before school and such starts back. Well, this is when my darling, sweet husband decides he will see how insane he can make me how much I love him how much I love Little Miss if I cared if the littlest Hellion went with us. I got the whole but she would have more fun with another kid along, he would entertain her, he won’t cost that much more, I will make him mind, he will be my responsibility. I just cringed, but I knew there was no winning this. So he invited Littlest Hellion, who is 5 years old, to go with us! I knew his mom would agree, hell, that means she wouldn’t have him.  So she gave us $40. to help out with feeding him and getting in to the places.

Littlest Hellion stayed with us Thursday night, because we were leaving EARLY on Friday morning! Oh, how funny, this group up early, yea, right. So the excited kids finally went to bed and went to sleep around 11 and the adults got in the bed around 12, last minute details to get together. I set my alarm for 6am. We were to leave at 6:30…..latest!

My alarm went off at 6am, I growled but I got up and had my coffee. I got dressed, I got completely ready. I was quick! I was done by 6:20! I was ready and waiting. And I waited, no need to get the kids up until hubs is up. I waited 6:30….6:45…..7am- Little Miss gets up scratching and saying, UH, Chattanooga! …..7:15…….7:30 hubs finally gets up…..7:45 he finally gets in the shower……7:50 Littlest Hellion gets up…..8:30 we are finally out the door! 2 hours late! I could have slept and drank my coffee in peace but NO we were leaving early!

So we are on the road, have to stop and get Littlest Hellions clothes. We also get snacks and a couple of portable DVD players….Thanks Red! So after another 30 minutes we are off! Before we got to Tennessee, it is decided the kids need headphones for said DVD players and a few more snacks. So we stop. Two different stores and finally we are off again. This is about the time both of the kids got gassy!! Every few minutes we heard *giggle* “AH, THAT FELT GOOD!!!!” * giggle* About every couple of miles and at every spot we stopped!!! I have never heard so much farting!!!!! And they thought it was hilarious!!!!!

 About Signal Mountain, TN, I remember my camera will only take about 30 pictures before it runs out of memory, so stop we must. I get a memory card for my camera. Get to the car and find out it won’t work. But we were already on the road, so I will just deal with it! So we finally get to the Zoo, our first destination. It is a small zoo, not many animals, but I love animals so I am excited. The kids? Not so much.

Does this give you an idea of how the animals felt about me? Yes, every time I got out the camera, they ran to hide! How is this one……

The peacock that had escaped……hid from me, but I fooled him, I hunted him down and got the damn picture! This is the only animal to pose for me……..

The wanna-be porn star! Laid out all spread eagle begging to be photographed!

So how was the zoo? I would have enjoyed it if the kids would have allowed it! All they wanted to do was find a hotel with a pool and get there NOW! They damn near ran through the place! They had no interest in the animals finding anything out about them, nothing! Oh they did want to ride the carousal and get refreshments. Both they saw coming in!

Best picture of the day. They sat still for it! And they were doing what they wanted to do. The Refreshments, they did not get, we fed them like 15 minutes before we got there. So we were off to find a hotel with a pool!

We rode around, the first one……not a dump but not really nice either….100 bucks a night. The next place a fairly nice place……200 bucks a night! We moved on. The third place, hubs took, fairly nice, indoor pool and only 110 bucks for the night. He has no sense of adventure! I told him let’s drive around look some more! He said he needed to shit and was tired of driving. So we had a hotel. We disappointed the kids, we were off again. Raccoon Mountain……

The kids didn’t want to go cave crawling, they did not want to pan for gold, they didn’t want to do anything but go back to the hotel and get in the pool. So we traveled on! We went to another Hel-Mart to exchange the memory card that wouldn’t work. Turns out my camera is old and couldn’t handle the extra memory. So we bought disposable cameras. Three of them. Then it was off to Ruby Falls….. 

We decided not to put out the 70 bucks to go through the cave, but we looked around and pissed the children off. It was really fun! I could get them to smile on occasion for the camera anyway. So the kids were ready to head back and we were not so we moved n to the next attraction! Rock City!!!

Waterfall picture courtesy of Little Miss. She had to have a picture of it!

Ignore how bad we look! We were hot and had been chasing children. I was still fine at this point, it was a little higher where my fear of heights come in to play!!!!

There was a few tight squeezes. My darling Little Miss chose this time to entertain the people in front of us, by saying, ” Let’s send Mom in first, if she makes it through we will all fit!” The people in front of us had to see how big Momma was and laughed all the way through! This is not the tightest squeeze we had….

 

 I have a irrational fear of heights, I can not take it, I get dizzy and my fear for all around me goes into OVERDRIVE!!!! I spent the next little while yelling, ” Don’t climb on the railing!” “Don’t lean over that railing!” ” Slow down, don’t run! Look at how far you would fall!!!!” And I hate to admit it, but I didn’t keep it to the children who were with me. I yelled at other people’s children, other adults, my husband, even dogs! But I really did well considering…..

I couldn’t take the picture, I couldn’t go near the railing! I was hugging the rocks! I had to move along to a rock and sit down far away from the edge!! But hubby got this for me so I could see it! Isn’t it beautiful!!!!

The following pictures are not very good, but it was all in black light and glowing. I had to goose the hell out of all of these to be able to see them.

The pictures do not do this place justice, it is spooky and beautiful all at the same time. It is pitch black and all you can see is the figures.

This is the last picture I have, the rest are on the disposable cameras and they are now in the film cemetery! It is the area of the desk where all film goes and never gets developed! I promise you this, I have 2 disposable cameras from 2 years ago, a trip to Guntersville Lake. And 3 rolls of film from before I got my digital camera, 4-5 years ago!!!! So, hubby wouldn’t go yesterday and swears we will go tonight, we will see!

So from Rock City, we did manage to get the kids back to the hotel. We just had to torture them one last time…….Dinner first! To keep the great hissy fits down, we went to the Waffle House right next door to the hotel. This would have been the biggest mistake we made all weekend. We ate waffles, eggs, and sausage. Hubs had a burger, it cost us over 30 bucks!!!!! For freaking breakfast!!!!! I almost choked on my waffle.

So we finally got to the pool, hubs and I chose to sit on the sidelines. The chlorine smell could choke a horse! To say it was strong would be an understatement! We all ended up with headaches! The children got in the pool and were in it all of 30 minutes, they were done! Neither liked it. All day long all I heard was pool, and after 30 minutes they wanted out! I could have killed them. We went back to the room and changed and just rode around. We went to Hel-Mart and picked up more snacks and more disposable cameras, went back to Rock City and rode back down the mountain and looked at the city lights, we explored the city of Chattanooga, we just ran out gas.

We got back to the hotel around 10pm. We told the kids to go to sleep, it took them til about midnight, by that time I had developed a massive migraine and all I wanted was to go to sleep. Hubs had other ideas, but he was disappointed.

At 6am the city of Chattanooga decided to empty the dumpster right outside our window. So guess who was up again? Yes, that would be me! I had my coffee and sat and waited for my wonderful companions to finally get up. They did about 9am. Did I mention, check out was at 11. Breakfast was only served until 10am and all we could get was a NON SMOKING room!!!! Did I mention, I love my morning cigarette with my morning coffee? So we had to get 4 showers, packed and downstairs for breakfast. We somehow managed to get showers, packed and out of there with 15 minutes to spare before breakfast was gone. The kids ate and we were off.

The Tennessee Aquarium!!!! I hope the pictures from this place turn out! We went in the Ocean one first. The penguins!!!!!! My favorite. Only the kids wanted to see everything NOW and couldn’t wait for me to look at much!!! That and the people who took up residence at the windows. They weren’t taking pictures, videos, nothing! Some were just standing there and talking to each other. And I was having trouble seeing anything. I hope to upload pictures from it tomorrow. We did see sharks, a bunch of ugly fish, and I was able to pet a small shark and a stingray. The tank was deep and the stingray and shark stayed out of the kid’s reach. Little stinkers! I think they were a bit upset about it, but we saw the butterflies and they flitted around them, made it a little better.

Then they played in the cement creek between the two places and had a lot of fun! I got pictures of that too. Then it was off to the River one, I got a lot of pictures of ugly fish. There was a common theme between the 2 places…..A LOT of UGLY fish!!! I did see a few pretty fish, but most were downright ugly!!! I took a ton of pictures!

Then it was snack time again, more playtime in the cement creek. This time it was not wading, they decided to jump in, sit down and then lay down in the water. The Littlest Hellion dripped water down his legs for an hour, Little Miss almost as long. Her clothes were thinner than his. So we decided to do a bit of walking to let them dry. We went to a park, we walked to the Marina and looked at huge boats, I got pictures. We walked around town, saw a lot of old buildings. We rode a electric shuttle from one end of town and it took us to the other end of down town and dumped us out. I did get to see the Chattanooga Choo Choo. I got a few pictures. After all of this the kids were exhausted and ready to sit and we figured out if we got back on the shuttle it would carry us back to the car!!!

We finally got back to the car and was off. The kids started sniping at each other right about the Tennessee state line! So we were trapped in the car with 2 gripey kids!!!! We stopped at a McDonald’s to feed them, in hopes of settling them down. Little Miss hurt her ankle on the playground equipment, and she was bitchy! The Littlest Hellion was hogging the DS, the DVD player, the head phones. And get this we had TWO DVD players and headsets. But they both wanted to listen to the same CD. Only they couldn’t both listen to it. So the Littlest Hellion kept unplugging Little Miss’ headphones.

We stopped at Russell Cave in Alabama. I didn’t get pictures there. We went through the museum, but did not go down to the cave. The kids were ill. We stopped in Madison to clean the office before going home. Needless to say that did not go over well.

We finally got home and would you believe, the Little Hellion wanted to stay with us again!!! We sent him packing. But he didn’t go home, he only went to Mammaw’s, so first thing in the morning he was back.

On Sunday we cleaned up mom’s car and took it home. The Boy made it back from Florida and we all survived the weekend. I did get pissed, we were suppose to go to Hel-Mart to have my pictures put on disk and we didn’t. It was decided by hubs, we would wait until later. I got pissed but I cleaned the house and unpacked the clothes and felt better. So the Littlest Hellion finally went home at 7pm!!! I was ready for him to go home.

So how was your weekend? I hope to post the rest of the pictures soon. So I must go and finish cleaning and do a lot of washing!!! Tons ‘o washing! So until next time…….

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!

Shock and Awe!!!!

It was shock and awe yesterday! Let me just say from the very beginning…..YESTERDAY. SUCKED. VERY. MUCH!!! I don’t think you understand what I am saying! YESTERDAY. SUCKED. VERY. MUCH. BAD. !!!!!! No it wasn’t a death in the family, horrible accident, someone went to jail kinda day. It just sucked. Here is the story which gets us to the Shock and Awe time…..

First, I got out of bed! Shouldn’t be a bad thing, but if I had known then what I know now, I would have stayed in the bed and let the day go by!!! I wrote my post, not a bad thing, went fairly smoothly….Well, until I was digging through pictures on the damn computer and had trouble finding the ones I wanted. So I decided I should really organize my pictures! Bad fucking idea! First I should state I have 40 million 75 thousand several hundred pictures on this damn computer. I have folders…..pets, Little Miss, The Boy, EasyE, JML and hubby…..A LOT of folders. But there is 2 folders that get every damn picture….The big folder that has all the other folders in it and my pictures. That is where all pictures are downloaded to. So I was trying to get all my pictures put in the folder that they belong in and then in sub-folders so I could find the ones I want. I went crossed-eyed. I had a lot of duplicate pictures, I don’t know how that happened. But……I now have most of the folders in order. One copy of each picture, in its sub-folder, in the right folder, in the big folder. I think I am short 3 folders having it done, I worked off and on all day!!!!

While I was cussing pouring over the pictures, I was Plurking. As everyone probably knows from my gripes, Plurk has been a pain in my ass! *Dear Plurk Gods, please fix the problems! Just auto-refresh and keep auto- refreshing!!! Quit playing games with me. Works, don’t work, works, don’t work!!!*

So I was going through pictures and Plurking and cussing and drinking coffee and avoiding housework of any form. Hubby calls and says the trip is off, for various reasons! All valid reasons, but all the fucking reasons I gave him when he got this whole damn idea, before he told Little Miss!!! He wants me to tell Little Miss! BAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! How stupid does he think I am? I will not be the one who breaks this child’s heart! So now I am Plurking, going through pictures, cussing, and scrambling to figure out how to keep the trip a float!

Car? Check, borrow Mom’s! Hotel? UH, cheapest rate I can find $89. UH…..Check???? Aquarium? Check, open and selling tickets. Zoo? Check, open selling tickets and got the coupon! Money? Fuck it all to hell!!!!! Bills!!!!!! Dammit!!!! Do a little squirming, play with the dates, *getting a headache* cash The Boy’s check for insurance, hey, he has to pay his own share! Dammit! So far not check! Working on it still the same!

While losing my mind cussing my husband’s very existencecalmly figuring out money, Little Miss and BOTH of the Hellions come in. Not what I needed! Oldest Hellion grabs the DS, littlest Hellion wants his turn, Little Miss wants to play too. So the griping, whining, and general bitching starts. Is this enough? Why hell NO! MIL has to bring her ass over too!!! Does she help matters? NO!!! She just sits and tries to get Littlest Hellion to go home with her by bribing him. She is louder than the kids! She does not succeed in her bribery. I tell them to get along or I will have the DS and no one will be playing it! They can take turns or put it up. It is at this point the oldest Hellion starts giving me the “go fuck yourself” look that makes me want to smack his head off.

I am having to deal with the insurance company and that ain’t never good! So after MIL left taking the Hellions with her and I wouldn’t let Little Miss go, Little Miss started having a small fit. Not huge but enough to get on my already rattled nerves. I sent her to bed, better of my two ideas. I call BCBS, I am in the middle of “talking” to a computer *I hate those things!! My southern accent doesn’t match with their computer!* . I heard the God awfullest noise coming from Little Miss’ room. Sounded like a wrecking ball going through her room! Hung up and went to check it out. It was Little Miss, she was flinging herself around in her bed and having a HI-HO fit!!! Now I don’t normal whoop her ass, OK, I do on occasion, but I try to avoid it, like a good mom. But I had had ENOUGH!!! So I whooped her ass and told her to stay in the bed until hell froze over the cows came home I called her. So I figured I had a few minutes before the shock of the ass whooping wore off.

I called BCBS back. I went through the whole computer again and was put on hold. While I am waiting for them to answer I will tell you the story behind the call..

We got a bill from an ER doctor for The Boy from 4-07. The bill is for services rendered. The charge $244.00 First, I remember The Boy going to the ER in 7-07, when he flipped his truck and stepped on the exhaust pipe and burned his foot, but I cannot recall 4-07. A call to the hospital cleared this up. He was there in the ER, but they don’t know why. I am also told that this doc is no longer under contract with them and I am about the thousandth person to call about a bill from him! A call to the doc’s billing service, tells me the insurance denied their claim because BCBS sent me a check. Back the fuck up! I have never gotten a check from BCBS! Long story short, they cannot tell me why they waited over year to file the claim and I owe them all of the money. Now back to the insurance company….

BCBS said they did not deny the claim, they just won’t pay it because my deductible has not been met. I tell them I have never had a deductible on doctors before. I am told this doctor is “out of network” so I have a deductible for this doctor. I told them I went to a “in network” hospital and no one told me this doctor was “out of network”. He said he was sorry, but when the claim was filed, he was ” out of network” and I am responsible for the bill. I asked him if the doc was “in network” at the time of service. He said when the claim was filed….blah, blah, blah. Again he was sorry, but I had met $45.40 of my deductible for The Boy in ‘07. Big fucking deal, it is ‘08!!!!

So now I have a migraine and Little Miss has kicked her hissy up a notch while I was on the phone. I ignored her as I got pisseddealt with BCBS, but I can NO longer! My head is pounding, my eyes are killing me, I feel like I am going to spew forth a lot of shit, I feel like hell! Little Miss takes this opportunity to scream,” I. WISH. I. WAS. DEAD!!!!”

OK, I am ready to grant this wish! I storm calmly go in and yell my fool head off try to talk to her. She is having none of it. This is the conversation…..

LM…..I wish I was dead. Everyone is so mean to me!

JML…. I am glad your not dead. If you would behave you wouldn’t get into so much trouble!

LM…..I hate this family!!!! You are so MEAN!

JML….. Well, we love you!

LM….. NO YOU DON’T!!!!!

JML….. If you would act like a human instead of a spoiled little brat, you would not get into trouble as much!

LM……. You are MEAN!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!

JML……This is not my fault! You….

LM…..Yes it is! You are mean! You wouldn’t let me go with the Hellions and I am BORED!!!! You won’t let me have my game!!!!! You are mean, you don’t love me, I hate you!

JML…..NO. YOU. FUCKED. UP!!!!! YOU THROUGH THE DAMN HISSY! YOU THREW DOWN YOUR GAME! YOU TRIED TO TEAR YOUR ROOM APART!!! NO YOU FUCKED THIS UP DEARY!!!!! 

LM…. *crickets chirping*

JML…. *leaves the room*

This was the shock and awe part! I know….I try not to use the grandfather of all cuss words in front of Little Miss! I know….Bad Momma!!!! I know…. I should not have spoken without counting to 100!!!  But it shut her the hell up! For about 15 minutes, I was able to die suffer cover my eyes with a towel and try to ease my headache!

After that, the Hellions came over, I sent them back across the yard, without Little Miss, who was being punished. I laid on the couch and tried to dieget rid of my headache, Little Miss would have none of this, not that she bothered me, you know I am A-1 bitch extraordinaire, but she was climbing around in the kitchen, riffling through the cabinets, searching for food. I finally listened to enough of that shit and told her to get the hell off the cabinets because I did not want to make a trip to the ER and she needed no food. I went and laid down.

She did manage to come in the room twice and bother me. Once she wanted to go outside, NO! Next she wanted to go swimming, NO! I took a 20 minute nap. I woke up to find her missing. She was in the pool with the girl form next door. WTF!!! I felt too bad to bitch. I would get her when she came in!

Hubby called, he has NO sympathy for me and my day or my headache! All he wants to know is if I told Little Miss the trip is off. UH…..NO! So now he is pissed at A-1 BITCH Extraordinaire too. I don’t give a flying rat’s ass! He cancelled the trip, he can tell her! He decides since I “feel bad” he will clean while he is at the office, unloading the load of cement. * Good man!* Once he gets home, he tells Little Miss about the trip. But he really doesn’t tell her about the trip. He kind of lets on like he is playing around! This PISSES me off! He tells her it should be put off til next week. He figures this gives him another week. WEENIE!!!! All his talk of we’re 40, she’s 9. We are the BOSS, she is the kid. A lot of BS!!! He doesn’t want to deal with the kid!

My headache eased enough I could see again. I Plurked a bit after Hubby went to bed. Little Miss did her up and down routine and we didn’t hear word one from The Boy! I fooled some more with the pictures. I finally got to take my nauseous, head-achy, blurry eyed ass to bed at a little past midnight.

This morning when the alarm clock went off at 7:15, I growled! Mainly because I already heard Little Miss up and on the phone to her dad!!! This is not a good sign of what is to come!!! Though Hubby called and wanted to know if we could swing the trip. He was already off tomorrow and if I could get The Boys check cashed to pay his insurance, that would help. I paid the bills on line and over the phone, We have a few cents left in the checking account and some of his bonus check in my purse. Why the fuck not!?! We stay broke anyway!!

So is the trip on or off? Who the hell knows! I guess I will figure it out, when or if we get in the car. I must call and confirm that we can in fact borrow Mom’s car. (The Little Crapper, would not make it!) I know the insurance would cover hubby driving it, mom says it is OK and I will have to put gas in it. The great WALL OF TROUBLE would be whether or not my Dad is on board with it or if he is having a hissy fit.  I love my dad, but he is a pain in my ass too! He will give his left arm to the church, but loan me his car? It is unknown. I don’t want him mad at mom for loaning it or anything, so……I guess he may be the deciding factor. Just how much does he love Little Miss? Would he be the one to disappoint her? OH, I am not above using Little Miss to get the car! MAWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!! So how was your day?

Until next time……..

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!

Enough is enough is enough…

Lately I have had a surge of door to door salesmen coming around. I thought they quit that. I mean look at the nuts in the world. I want to be the nut they avoid!! I had two that were selling the same books, not together but back to back. I had one selling another kind of book. A few cleaner people. And I had one guy who was selling a product he never called by its name and I never saw it. He gave me the creeps! 

I try to be nice I know it is their job, but I don’t want it and I can’t afford it and I wish they would leave me alone! Most everything sold door to door is high as a cat’s back and not really needed. I mean sure I need something to clean my walls, but not that 30 bucks a bottle cleaner they are selling that would take 4 bottles to clean my walls. And really I can go to Hel-Mart or Target and get what I need and it would be a lot cheaper and I wouldn’t be letting a stranger in my house!

They have a do not call list, why not a do not visit list! So I am trying to figure out what I can do or say to get me put on a list where door to door salesmen will leave me alone but not be put on some sort of watch list! Here are my ideas, let me know which one you think will work!

1. Sorry too busy…….I have tried this one, it takes them 20 minutes to say it will not take too long.

2. Not interested……I have tried this, they are convinced I would be interested if I just give them a few minutes of my time.

3. Can’t afford it now….. I have tried this and I always get that, “But I get paid by how many households I show it to.” Which I believe to be Bullshit.

So now that I have listed the nice, polite ideas and showed you why they don’t work, here are my other ideas….

4. You may come in and clean all of my walls, but not just a spot on a wall. If you only clean a spot, then I will be forced to buy your shit to clean the rest of the walls.

5. Thank you, the vacuum broke last week and my house needs vacuuming!!

6. I will listen to your sales pitch for window cleaners while you clean all of my windows, not just one! Sorry I will not be buying, but I won’t need it will I.

7. Oh, Lord I hope that is carpet cleaner you got there, the puppy had a bad case of the shits and I need you to clean it up quick!

Some are harder than others and not all sell cleaners so I may have to move on.

8. Yell, “Oh, LORD, The voices are back!!!” You can do this before you even open the door.

9. I knew God would send me help! I needed to talk to someone about my problems!!! I am sure he sent you to me.

10. Tell them they just saved you from your suicide attempt. Then say you need to rest and close the door.

11 *COUGH* Damn TB!!!

12. I’ll let you tell me about your product after I tell you about my PLANET!

13. Great! You can change GranPaws diaper!

14. Peek out the window and ask if they are from the Health Department.

15. My daughter’s school is having a fund raiser, let me get the book!

16. What the hell kind of piece of shit are YOU selling?

17. Tell them there is a special place in hell for people like them and offer to show it to them. (Of course this could get the police out and that would take longer than the sales pitch!)

Now rudeness and silliness may not work on the hard core salesman, so I offer these mental angles……

18. Run screaming from the house.

19. Ask them, “What children?” even if the kids are present.

20. Answer the door wearing a  Halloween mask.

21. Slur your words and talk gibberish.

22. ” Momma is that you? Where the hell have you been!” Or daddy if it is a man.

23. ” The temptation……I swore I wouldn’t hurt another salesman after they released me!!!!”

24. “Does this mean the police are coming again?”

And this one would get the police on your door steps and quite possibly involve a watch list you don’t want to be on, but it should work….. You could go in 1 of 2 ways….

25. *leering at them* “You look tasty!!!”

* holding a butcher knife* ” You look TASTY!!!”

Of course you could just grab the free gift and slam the door, but they may consider it theft. I don’t know how since it is a FREE gift and all.

And in the case of a Charity that is really pushy…. Offer to donate to their organization if they donate to your charity. Then just give them their money back if they actually donate! If they don’t then there you go.

So what do you think? Would any of them work? I am at my wits end with these people! It’s the nice weather that brings them out. Damn Alabama weather!!

Is this a problem for others? Or is it just my house?

Misty used to be a great deterrent, but now that she has like 4 teeth, not so much anymore. They always ask, “Does it bite?” and I always tell them, ” Not if your quick.” They don’t need to know she has slowed down in her old age.

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Daisy is a pit bull and most are afraid of them, but she is still a baby and not very scary looking!

Bella, well, she looks scary but they just don’t notice her too much. And she has that “I’m not at home” look too, so not too much help.

I have hid in the past, but Little Miss can’t stay quiet too long and they can be persistent. I once waved at them through the window on the door and walked away, took the guy 30 minutes to give up! So any suggestions would be appreciated. I must go for now, the trip is up in the air, and must try to figure out how to get it going again!!! So until next time……

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!

PS…. WOOT!!! I had a triple digit day at WordPress yesterday!!!! I don’t know where they came from but I hope they come back!!!

Random BS

Well, I am discovering I must watch the titles on my post. A quick look at my stats thingamajiggy and clicking on the links and I have found myself in not 1 but 2 adult only blogs!!!! One was a sex post and the other I am not all together sure what the hell it was but I had to click stating I am over 18 to be admitted. So no more post titled “Just a screwy night”!! Who would’ve thunk it?

But by clicking on the stat thingamajiggy and clicking links I have found a few blogs I enjoyed! I read these sites and wonder why the hell do they follow me!!! They are way  better than I will ever be, I even made a few blogrolls lately! WOOT!!! So welcome to my little world……My plans of world domination are working……one blogger at a time….

So I had a few rants today and can’t decide where to start……..I guess I should start with my MIL, always a good place to start, she is such a bitch!

I received a phone call from MIL, she wanted me to turn off the pool filter. We have to plug it in the shop and lock the door or the damn thing would never run, she would turn it off after 15 minutes and swear it ran all night. You know we are stupid enough to believe that *roll eyes here*.

So we have one key to the shop, I know stupid on our part, and I couldn’t find the damn key. I was the last with it, I turned the pump on last night and I had no pockets in my shorts so I didn’t have a clue where the damn thing was. I called my MIL, had she saw the key? Dumb ass question I know, if she had saw the key she would have turned off the pump. No she hadn’t saw it, she had been out to the shop twice hoping we had left it unlocked. The pump needed to be turned off the electric bill would be through the roof.

So after tearing the house apart and wondering if I was in fact losing my mind and 2 more calls from my MIL, I decided the key had to be around the shop. I went out to the shop and what did I find? The fucking key in the lock!!!! Out there twice my ass!!! Whatta BITCH!!!!

OK, random gripes by category…..

Dogs…….Why does Daisy suddenly think she can shit in the floor again? She comes in and runs to a bedroom and takes a dump! But other times she is an angel! And Misty…..the walking farts are not funny anymore!!!! Bella what can I say? Stop picking fights with every dog in the house!!! I don’t care how jealous you are. I will continue to pet the other dogs!! Just so you know, if you break one more thing your ass is going outside for good!!!!

Cats…….Stubs, you better think of Miley as your sister! Course your trotters have been cut off so hell, have FUN!!!! Miley…… You are no longer an indoor cat! Keep your ass outside!!!! Socks….. it is not cute to jump from the floor to the couch by way of my face! One more time buddy and you may fly across the room!!!

Little Miss…… Stop that incessant whining!!!! Your life will not be over if you do not get your drink in 5 seconds flat!!! Ditto if you have to go to bed at a decent hour, don’t eat every 5 minutes, have to wait to get in the pool, can’t have a friend over every second of every day!!! Just stop it or mommy’s head is going to explode!! But thanks for laying off the blog and Plurk!

The Boy……Your going to Florida tomorrow with friends, BEHAVE!!!! I will not come down there and bail you out! I won’t say no drinking because really it would be a waste of my breath, but keep it under control!!! And move the freaking truck and that damn Mustang out of the way before you leave!!!!!

Hubs…..What can I say? Sometimes I just want a quickie to be a quickie! Not trying to be rude hon, but really. And just because Little Miss is gone, that is not a sure thing! Sometimes I just don’t feel like it, really it is not you. And while I am on the subject……Grabbing my ass all evening, not foreplay!!! (It just gets on my nerves when I have to clean water up when I drop the jug after being assaulted!!!) Ditto for that am I getting lucky question. If you ask like that, it ain’t likely!! And for the record, if you are tired and don’t want it…..Don’t blame me!!!! That, “Your tired, you don’t feel like it” crap drives me up the wall! I know it is just your way of getting out of it and not having to say you don’t want it!! So just STOP IT!!!!

But really thank you too for laying off all blog and Plurk related topics!!!! I appreciate that!

PLURK……. Dammit Plurk, you are getting as bad as Twitter to screw up!! Get it together and auto refresh all the time!! I like looking at the tab and knowing that I have new plurks to read!!! I can’t stand having to refresh you all the time! And why do I have to log in every time now? I liked being able to stay logged in for 2 weeks, now I have to log in every time!!

Blogs……. A bit tired of BlogHer Convention talk. Your going, Great!!! I’m not!!! Please quit rubbing my face in the fact that I am not going to meet all the great bloggers of the world, I can’t afford the trip out there, and that I would be sitting in the corner wishing someone would notice me!!! I am, oh, “S” list at best, but please lay off. I am glad you have your tickets, clothes, shoes and such, really I am! But enough already!!! We are not all going.

And quit acting like kindergartners! It has finally settled so I will not bring up names or blogs, but quit sniping at others! You aren’t perfect either!!! If you must bitch about someone, keep it to your blog, not on social networks. Simply link to your post and let it go!!!

The trip to Chattanooga……… There is almost too many gripes about this for it not to have it’s own post! The cost of everything is the biggie!!! Is there nothing free in life anymore? Damn, I remember when you could see some sights for nothing. I understand upkeep cost and such, but this is ridiculous!!! I am going to be charged to look at trees and flowers? How about charging for tours, but let you go in for free if you just want to wonder around aimlessly? And all these places that brag they have been open for a hundred years, haven’t you made enough money?

Hotels, OMG!!!!! What happened to a place to sleep and shower? Now they all have extras and they charge the hell out of you!! Can’t I just get a bed, toilet and shower? Now a free breakfast is nice, but for those damn prices I should get bacon and eggs!!!! I want to just look at some of these places. The pictures look more like tourist attractions than hotels! And I fear the ones that are cheap…..I really don’t want to share a space with the druggies, gang bangers, homeless people, and all around bad guys! I don’t want to be involved in a raid or anything!

What happened to cheap, simple family fun? That’s all I wanted, now it has became this all out research, price checking, coupon clipping headache!!!! Little Miss wants to go, I want to go…..Hubby not so much! And it was his idea!!! He opened his big mouth and let this all get started, now he is trying his damnedest to stop it!! If he hadn’t pissed away the biggest chunk of his check, we would have more than enough money to do everything we want to do. The aquarium, the zoo, the incline (his idea, not mine! I am afraid of heights.), Rock City and a little nature walking. Maybe a bit of shopping. But NOOOOO, he has to go and spend his check and forget that there are bills due and now we get to play this little game of pushing money around and trying to figure this out! When I say we I really mean me!!!

Because we all know that it is the woman’s job to do the bills! Especially if it is having to rob Peter to pay Paul!!! Men’s minds don’t work in a way that allows them to see the big picture. The one where you can put off this to pay that and still manage to have electricity, water, phone, satellite, and occasionally food!!!

Or is it just my husband? I hope I am not the only one with a big spender who doesn’t have the job he needs to cover his spending! And who has the inability to see that bills must be paid FIRST!!!! His heart is in the right place most of the time. This week it was Little Miss’ birthday and party. Last week it was for him. I know he is the one working for the money and he deserves to get shit, but enough is enough!!

One last gripe and I am out of here…… My cleaning of the office. Hubby took the job, not me! I know it is a pain in his ass to come home and get me and go back to clean and it ruins the weekend to have to go and clean. But again, he took the job! I know $400. a month isn’t much money but it has paid debts!!! Quit making me feel like I don’t contribute to our income, like it is not worth it! hey, without it, there are times when bills would not get paid! Food would not be in the house. You like electricity, water, satellite, Internet and food, so back the fuck off!!!!! Bitch to the boss, get us a raise, but lay off me or I may go ape shit crazy on your ass!!!!! I don’t enjoy it either, but you don’t hear me bitching about it!

So had enough? I feel better. I must go I have like 200 feeds to read and Plurking to do and there is that pesky housework I didn’t finish yesterday that should be done. I will return tomorrow, who knows what the hell the post will be about. Maybe door to door salesmen, I have had a bunch in the last few weeks……. Curious yet? So until next time…….

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!

Quick update……Hubby’s spider bite has now busted, it is sore all the time and it has a nice hole in it. No black skin and not nasty looking, but it ain’t pretty. And he still refuses to let me get a picture of it! The sunburn he had, peeling off in sheets. He has added a nice burn to his forearm. Laid his arm against a HOT header!!! The skin is black and it is starting to ooze!! So I must not gripe about his whining, he deserves to whine this week!!

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It’s Monday already?

According to the calender it is Monday again. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate Monday? No? Well, I hate Mondays. Washing and cleaning time here at the old homestead. But here at Casa Life it is weekend update time. Woot. Sorry it is early and I am still sleepy, just can’t get that big Woot out.

Not alot went on this weekend. Friday Little Miss did go to Easy E’s to stay the night! She did a countdown for about 6 hours! She was so excited. I am told it went well. They ate at IHOP. Little Miss had 2 eggs and 2 pancakes, ate it all. They played games all night. He got her MarioKart for her DS. She stayed up after he did. I am told he passed out around 2am! From what I am told she was the gassiest human known to man that night and it smelled very much bad. She was proud. They got up Saturday mornin’ and went swimming and he brought her home around 2:30.

We on the other hand, did nothing. The Boy went out and was home by 10:30. We sat around like old farts and watched TV. We decided to swap the party time from 3 to 5. Nothing like last minute changes to get the heart pumping. There was some hurt feelings, one had to work and wouldn’t be able to come, another had a hubby working. You know the bitch that I am, I planned it all that way. So we swapped times and I was left with a hundred and one phone calls to let everyone know. I managed to get everyone except Easy E, but I knew he would be here, had to bring Little Miss back and all.

Saturday morning, it was decided by hubby, he would kill me before the party! He wanted to go to the car show. He decided I never get out of the house and I should go with them. So we load up in the car and head out, not like I had anything else to do *rolling eyes*. SOOOO we walked and walked and walked. We saw a few nice cars, but they were on a  mission. Intake and carburetor for The Boy’s Mustang. Wouldn’t you know all the sales people were all the way to the back! Of course, no need for it to be easy on me. SO by the time we got back to the car, I was dying!

But was I done? NO, I still had a ton to do. Vacuum the living room, sweep and mop the kitchen, clean the kids bathroom, cut up onions, tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, celery and the watermelon. In addition to still needing a few things from the store and vacuuming the pool!! Oh, and a shower too!!! I managed to get it done with absolutely no help!!! Granted hubby was grilling, 36 hamburger and 48 hot dogs. Did we need that much? NO! But my MIL has to take over everything and insisted we didn’t have enough food and added a bit to it! It went on without a hitch!!

I would like to take credit for the cake, but I can’t! Red got a lady she works with to fix it! Turned out well, I think!

We ended up with 11 people!!! As I said Red’s husband had to work, my brother had a wedding to go to, Bug had to work so that meant BJ wouldn’t be here, one of the Hellions stayed with his dad, one cousin has autism and doesn’t do well with crowds, The Boy went bow fishing, and Easy E and wifey had other plans. But it all went well. MIL only showed her ass twice and Red brought that damn dog of her’s, I hate that dog! I don’t take my dogs to her house for dinners! Maybe I should.

I was so tired after it was all over. I put all the dogs up for the actual party. Go figure my dogs were put up so they wouldn’t bother anyone and Red brought her jumping, drooling, pain in the ass. But anywhoo….. This was how exhausting the party was……

That’s what I wanted to do myself. After all was said and done, Little Miss got a Cinderella and outfit, a flower mirror for her wall, a pets picture frame, some smell good stuff, a couple of training bras, and misc other treats! And we had 7 hamburgers and 25 hot dogs left over. Hubby cut the hamburger grilling down from 36 to 24. Seems her ran out of fire and didn’t want to fire up the grill again.

Sunday, I was again woke up early. Hubby wanted to go clean and get it out of the way. After I got up and got dressed, he decided to help The Boy put on his intake and carburetor. So I sat around and cleaned up the house a bit. The Mustang, she ran! All the way down to the end of the driveway! That is where the fuel regulator quit working!!! Talk about a pissed off boy! He has had no luck with vehicles here lately. The truck, well, the transmission is messing up. The Mustang was suppose to be put in a wiring harness and she would run like a scalded cat! Well, he has yet to drive it far and the water has gotten cold!

I did find out a couple of things this weekend……. My husband can piss away most of his check in way less time than it takes to make it!!! And yes it is my husband who does it!!! The more he makes the more he spends. Bills be damned!!! He can run to the store for a snack and a Mt. Dew a hundred times a day, even if we have a snack and a Dew at home. And stop and eat breakfast! Oh, no we wouldn’t want to eat at home! He drives me crazy! He had the nerve to ask me where the money went! I told him and he didn’t like it!

We are BROKE!!! And the satellite bill is due today, he cashed his bonus check for gas and that is our trip money. You know he promised to take Little Miss to the Tennessee Aquarium and stay the night in Chattanooga! Now I get to scramble and find a way to pay for the bills and the trip!

That leads me to my next discovery! Everything is expensive in Chattanooga! The aquarium is $19.95 for adults and 12.95 for kids. Not bad unless your broke. The Zoo is cheap, $6.00 for adults and I found a coupon for a free child admission. But the big expense is the hotel!!!!! They won’t list cost, but you can make a reservation! I reserve nothing if I don’t know the cost! But you can get package deals, cheapest one I found was like $249 for one night! I did find a lot of hotels and such near Raccoon Mountain, which is close to Chattanooga, I think it may be cheaper there. I want her to have this. We never go on vacation and she is looking forward to this.

So bills be damned and the trip will go forward. Hubby picked up some brochures for Tennessee attractions on his way to get cement and tomorrow he will pick up a coupon book, like I told him to. Maybe just maybe we can find something we can afford and the roaches won’t drag us off. I want clean and nice but cheap. I found cabins at Raccoon Mountain, the one with a toilet is $55. a night. The one with no toilet is $37. a night, I would pay for the toilet!!! So do any of you know a nice, cheap place to stay in Chattanooga? Suggestions will be appreciated!

 I guess I should go and get started cleaning and washing. Did I mention I hate Mondays? I did? Well, until next time folks!!!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!

I’ve been a busy bee……

I have been busier than a cat covering shit! I almost didn’t have time to Plurk and I didn’t get a blog read. I have been going since yesterday morning and I have a house to clean today!! What did I do yesterday?

Well, I got up and had to let the neighbor’s dog out to the bathroom, that would have been some walk and so I drove. MY car. The little crapper that I have barely been in in 2 weeks. Damn husband and son, leave me car-less! Let’s just say I am ready to kill them both. Damn SLOBS!!! There is hardly a place to put your feet. I should post a picture. Candy wrappers, cigarette packs, coke bottles that have been turned in to spit bottles thanks to that nasty habit of The Boy, half eaten honey buns…..The list goes on and on!

I finally made it to the neighbor’s house. She is a sweet dog really, she was waiting at the door for me, walked out, did her business and beat me back to the door! Easy enough. I came home and woke up Little Miss who was staying with MIL while I went to the doctor. Let’s say it wasn’t pretty and leave it at that.  She primped and griped until MIL got here. I let my little heathen dogs out, not an easy task considering my mom was pulling into the driveway. After they mauled her I brought them back in and put Daisy in the pen, she wasn’t happy. Closed off all the doors, the others were not happy and we were off.

I got to Dr. B’s office. Where I was escorted back to another waiting room. From there I was showed to a room where I could put on a gown. I no sooner than got my shirt and bra off than the door came flying open! “Oh, sorry I thought this door was open!” HUH? He had to turn the knob to open the door! Me thinks he wanted to get him a look and BOY was he disappointed! heh!!

So now it is time for me to get my IV…..To say he looked nervous would be an understatement!! That made me nervous, I don’t like being poked with sharp objects anyway sooo….. when he said OOPS, I got worried! Yes, the most dreaded word to hear when getting a needle shoved into your arm! Seems he got blood, then he didn’t get blood. His exact words, “OOPS, I must have gone all the way through.” I am not liking this boy too much at this point! So he starts pulling it back out until he gets blood. Then he flushes it with “normal water” (this is what he says), then he starts wiggling it back and forth in an effort to get it in the vein NOT through the vein this time. Had he not had a needle in his hand and in my arm, his trotters would have been located somewhere near his throat now! So now I am in a gown and have an IV. An IV in the crook of my arm, the worst possible place to have it. I start reading my magazine. There was a nice lady in there with me, a talker. One of those people who do not like silence. Here is our exchange…..

Lady….. SO who is your doctor?

Me….. Dr. B

Lady………Oh I LOVE him!

Me………UH HUM……. ( I wasn’t going to tell her I thought he was an ASS!)

Lady……..So why ya here?

Me……. Stress test.

Lady……… Me too!! Do you have heart problems? You look so young.

Me……… No, some in my family.

Lady………So this is precautionary?

Me…… Beats me, I came in to get another test run and ended up with this one.

Lady………SO he is running this one to make sure you can do the other one?

Me……………He won’t run the other test. I have no clue why he is running this one.

Thankfully more people come in, this gives her others to talk to. I didn’t want to be rude, but I don’t like this man and I tried not to ruin her view of him. She likes him, why ruin it for her?

Now it is time for me to get on the treadmill. I told the young lady I had already had cramps in my legs earlier and I was unsure if I could do it. She told me it would only take 7-10 minutes to do it. I told her it took all of 20 feet to get me leg cramps that morning. She asked if I wanted the medicine instead. I told her it might be best, I would hate for her to have to scrap my face off her treadmill. She asked if I had caffeine in the last 12 hours. I told her a cup of coffee, like they told me I could have. She said I couldn’t do the medicine because I had coffee, she would reschedule it. I told her no, I would try the treadmill. At the cost of gas I wasn’t going to run back and forth trying to get a test I did not need. She assured me it would take 7-10 minutes. I was thinking it would take 2-3 minutes for me to fall and leave half my face on this devil machine or 3-4 minutes for me to have a stroke. 7-10 minutes, hurumph….I don’t think so!

So without pulling the curtain, she yanks my gown up and puts it over my shoulders! OK. There is only a man running all over back there and another patient, but she is behind  a curtain! She lifts my boob to put on an electrode. This is hilarious to me, I don’t have enough boobs to get in the way, DAMN must be sagging! Does she let it go when she places that electrode? Why NO, she continues to hold it up. BAHAHAHAHAH sniffle, I must really be sagging! So she puts me on the death trap. Dr. B comes in and she tells him I have been having a problem with my legs. His exact words!!! ” She’s young, she won’t have a problem.” It has nothing to do with my age SHITHEAD, it has to do with my legs!

So she starts Megadeath 2000, a slow steady walk, I can do this. Damn twinge in the back of my knee, no problem, I will ignore it. UUUHHHHH, pain in calves…..Ignore it. Just keep thinking LIFT FOOT otherwise you will be face down on this moving piece of rubber! These are my thoughts. She kept interrupting them! She asked if I was OK,  I told her yes, no chest pains, this is what she wants to know about. Next stage….. My legs are going to fall off!!! But no chest pains! She says 3 minutes down 7 more to go. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Dr B. comes in. Asks how I am doing. She says fine, he leaves. Should I not answer this? My heart rate is going up nicely according to the tech. My legs are giving out nicely according to me! Stage 3…..Oh freaking Hell! Kill me now!!!! According to the tech, she can’t! She tell me I only have 3 more minutes on this stage, then she will inject me with the radioactive shit and in 1 minute I can stop. I will be dead in less time than that! And she tells me I won’t glow before I can ask! Ruin my fucking day, why don’t ya!

So I made it til  my heart rate is up to 160 and it is time to put in the radioactive shit. Dr. B comes in and tells me to take longer steps, it will slow me down. HUH? He asks how tall I am, I tell him 5 foot, he says do the best you can. Shithead, at this point I am glad I am not face down on this rolling rubber! I fear dragging my foot and ass is telling me to take longer steps. I was suppose to go 1 minute after the shit was put in, after 30 seconds she slams on the brakes, no slowing down like she promised. She said she would slow it down so I could step on to the sides, she told me to jump to the side and shuts it down. I guess she could see I was about to lose it.

Dr. B comes in…..Beautiful EKGs. And he leaves. After my heart rate goes down a bit, she runs one last EKG and throws my shirt up and lifts my boob and removes the pads and such and tells me to get dressed and come out. I have to come back in an hour for the final piece of the test. Damn it all to hell! I am hungry, my legs are killing me, hubby has the debit card, I have no cash and I want to go home. Mom buys me lunch, but refuses to take me home.

I finish my test without much hoopla and head to the house. Since my aunt is down visiting my parents and friends of my dad’s are down visiting I decide to go over there to visit. Little Miss is up for it and we go. Apparently Little Miss has eaten straight sugar for the last few hours because she is rattling on like no-body’s business.

We get back to mom’s and my aunt S and the friend have decided we should all go and do a little antiquing and thrift store shopping. More walking!!!!! So we all drag through like 100 (12) stores and the whole time I am thinking, Hubby has the debit card and I has no money! Little Miss wants at least 4 things in every store and is being a pain in  the ass about it. But we all survive. My legs are killing me, but my spirits are high because I love my Aunt S, she is great!!!! A hoot and a half!!

I finally get home and hubby decides we must go to town! What the hell? Is everyone trying to kill me? But go I do, because we had agreed to take Little Miss to town and let her get her birthday present from us, this way she gets what she wants and no duplicate gifts. So it is off to Hel-Mart!!! I hate this place!!!! And shopping with a 9 year old who has money to spend, not fun!!! Does she want clothes, a toy, a video game, does she have enough money to get all? Can she have more money? What does she want? How many times can she change her mind!!!!???????!!!!!

She ends up with 2 DS games, a new bikini for the pool and a shirt. This is after going through every toy in the store and getting it and putting it back a dozen times. OH and the games…..changed her mind a hundred times before settling on the 2 she got!!!! Sims 2 and Horses 2 for DS. So for her birthday she ended up with 4 video games, a shirt, a bathing suit, and $45. And she still has big brother’s gift coming! And her party is Saturday, but she has most of the gifts from the guests already.

(Have I mentioned this party? It was suppose to be small and simple. It has turned into a damn circus!!!! What was to be about 10 guest has ballooned into no less than 25 guest!!!! Probably more like 30! I shall kill someone before it is over!)

So we get to the checkout at Hel-Mart. I am dying and they have 2 lanes open plus 2 self checkout lanes. The self checkout lanes hate us, we always have too much shit and it screams when we remove a bag. So we get in line behind about 6 people. It is the shortest line. It also contains the slowest cashier on earth!!! And she loves her job. There is no hello, no idle chit chat, no have a nice day, nothing! Just a snarl  to show she is the  happiest person on the planet!!! It took an hour to get through it! I was ready to kill. Little Miss had an hour to decide she wanted everything near check out, Hubby had an hour to decide he doesn’t like us at all.

We finally got out and went to Kroger’s, because you know we must feed these guest on Saturday. I stayed in the car. I was asked if I wanted to go in, I screeched something about my legs exploding and ripped a head or two off I said I thought I would just stay in the car. It was raining and hubby wasn’t happy about going in, but all of this party stuff…..His idea.

We finally rolled in the house late and I had gotten a new phone and had to activate it. I hate that, on-line is suppose to be easy right? Too many numbers, too sleepy. I finally got the thing activated but it took forevah!!!

So tonight Little Miss goes to stay the night with Easy E and Wifey!!! WOOT!!!! The Boy will be out of the house and that means me and the Hubs will be all alone!!!! *wink, wink* I think I will go to sleep early! MAWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I better go and program the new phone and clean the damn house. Until next time folks……

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!!!!

I am a collection of random nonsense.

I was doing a cross word puzzle and came across one that was of TV spin offs. I found out I have a ton of nonsense information running around in my head. Since I go to the doctor today for a needless stress test, instead of boring you with the details of why I think it is unnecessary and why I am dreading it. I decided I would inform you of the beginnings of these spin offs. I can hope you will take this info with you and I will have more room for serious thoughts and important information. So here is the list of spin offs and the shows they spun off from…..

A Different World… Of course it was the Cosby Show. Denise went to school there for what a season.

Benson… Different Strokes. Benson used to work for the family.

Bionic Woman….. DUH, Bionic Man.

The Colby’s…. Dynasty. My brother had to watch both, it drove me crazy! Dynasty came on at the same time as Quincey. I never got to watch it again!

CSI: Miami… Another DUH moment…. CSI

Daria….. Beevis and Butthead, never watched it, but I was forced to watch Beevis and Butthead, I had 2 boys.

Empty Nest… Golden Girls, I hate to admit to watching it and knowing that the dad was a neighbor to the “girls”.

Facts of Life…… Different Strokes…. I watched mainly for George Clooney who was on it for a couple of seasons.

Family Matters…. Perfect Strangers, I admit I had to look up the name of the show, I remembered Balki, but not the name of the show.

Flo…. Alice, another one I hate to admit watching.

Frasier….. Cheers. I loved that show.

Gomer Pyle, USMC…..Of course Andy Griffith. I have watched Andy take Gomer to basics too many times to count.

Good Times….. Maude……Which is a spin off of All In the Family! I remember when Michael got shot and when Penny was abused.

Green Acres…. I believe it came from Petticoat Junction, which both are too old for me to remember.

Jefferson’s….. All in the Family

Joanie Loves Chachi….. Oh, I loved Scott Baio!

Just the ten of us….. Growing Pains

Knot’s Landing……Dallas…..Again my brother had to watch both!

Laverne and Shirley……Happy Days. It is the reason I “know” all those songs from the 50s and 60s.

Lou Grant…..Mary Tyler Moore….. I never watched either.

Melrose Place…..Beverly HIlls 90210…. I had to watch Luke Perry!!!

Mork and Mindy…… Happy Days…..I remember the times Mork visited. And I loved it when Jonathon Winters played their son.

Rhoda….Again Mary Tyler Moore and I never watched it either.

The Roper’s…… Three’s Company. I miss John Ritter.

Star Trek Deep Space Nine……DURRRRR, Star Trek

Trapper John M.D…….. Mash…..There was a couple of spin offs from Mash, but nothing else made it long.

Xena Warrior Princess….. Hercules. I never watched either but my oldest son liked them.

OK, I admit I had never heard of Booker…..It was a spin off of 21 Jump Street. I didn’t watch it, I had not developed my love of Johnny Depp at that point!

And another show I did not know was a spin off………The Andy Griffith Show! I found out through a little research it was a spin off of The Danny Thomas Show.

And so what was the show with the most spin offs? I thought maybe Andy Griffith but I was wrong. It was actually All in the Family!

So did you know all that already? I was shocked to know I knew most of them and ashamed to admit I had watched most of them!!!

My favorite show of all time? I can’t say, I loved a lot of them…. All in the Family, Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, MASH, Three’s Company, Growing Pains, Maude, Perfect Strangers,The Cosby Show…….

One of my favorite old show I guess would have to be Quincey. I remember watching the one about the Plague and it was continued to the next week and my brother wouldn’t let me watch it. Years later I was watching reruns and I watched the first one again and missed the second part! I have never seen the second part of it. If anyone knows how it turned out let me know. I know Quincey doesn’t die but I have no clue how he solved it!!!!

So what is your all time favorite show? What spin offs do you remember? Any not on the list? Come on enlighten me, let me know I am not the only one who watches too much TV!!! Until next time….

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR VISITING!!!!!!!